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It has taken me many years to understand the importance of boundaries, particularly when it comes to my sexuality. In guarding our bodies against sexual seduction, have you ever thought about ways to integrate boundaries for your thoughts, words, and actions? If we are going to become women with a godly sexuality, we are going to need to set boundaries in these areas.
Let’s start with setting boundaries for our thought lives. Have you ever seen a dog that lives in a fenceless yard that has the shocking system? If the dog crosses the invisible boundary lines he will feel a slight shock. Just like that, we need to feel a slight prick in our hearts when our thoughts are out of line. Whether our thoughts are sexual or emotional about another man, we need to become aware of them and replace them with God’s thoughts. It might be that instead of thinking lustfully about another man, you can send prayer up for him. I believe that the first thing we need to do is to ask God to give us a nudge when our thoughts get out of line with His. Since our thoughts are where the battle begins, we have got to place Jesus in authority over our thought lives. We need to be keenly aware when something ungodly is entering.
Another area we need to look at setting boundaries for is our words. What are we talking about with the opposite sex? Are we saying things that seem harmless on the outside but inside we are really trying to flatter them? Are we saying things to build them up and make them feel good? There is a difference between saying kind things to another man other than your husband and saying things that you know are inappropriate. For instance, it would be inappropriate to tell another woman’s husband how attractive he is, or what a wonderful husband and father he is. He does not need to hear that from you. Most women that say these kinds of things are really trying to get his attention away from his wife and onto her. She is trying to make herself look better than his wife. Her motives are wrong.
One way to set a boundary here is when you are thinking about giving a compliment to another man ask yourself what your motives are for telling him. Are you trying to build yourself up to look better than his wife? Are you trying to gain his approval? Are you trying to seduce him into bed with you? That man may not have heard a compliment in a long time and if you are the first one to give him one, what might that say to him? Another question to ask yourself when you are talking to another man is “If I tell him this, how will he receive it?” I don’t ever want to say something that will give another man the impression I’m coming onto him, other than my husband. I think it’s important to begin to set boundaries over our words and ask God to help us convey messages appropriately. Always remember to ask yourself your motive for giving another man a compliment.
Our actions are another area to consider when learning how to place boundaries in our lives. When I’m thinking about actions, I’m mostly considering the choice of clothes we are wearing, what kind of body communication we are sending, and the kinds of places are we planting ourselves.
When considering our clothing, are we wearing things that are too revealing? Are we wearing things that might cause another man to stumble with lust? If so, write out a commitment to change the way you are dressing and write some practical solutions.
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Think about this for a moment. Men are visually stimulated by a woman’s body. If we are aware of that, are we dressing in outfits that might make it easy for him to sin with his eyes? Some might say that it’s their issue to deal with; however, if we are to love our brothers, I don’t think that would be acting in love. Causing another to stumble is not pleasing to God and not acting in love.
One important thing I do when I get dressed in the morning is ask myself, “Is this going to potentially cause a man to stumble?” If I’m not sure, I go and ask my husband. If I am still unsure, I choose to not wear it. I would rather err on the side of safe than not. I’m not saying we need to dress in muumuus and cover every area of skin. You can dress hip without compromising your sexuality or cause another man to stumble.
Along with boundaries, we need to be watchful of not being alone with another man in a room, if possible, for a long length of time. If you have to car pool in a car for some distance to work, ride with a female. Unless it’s completely necessary, women have no business emailing or calling another man outside of work unless there is a pure motive and reason for calling. Talking on the phone when it’s not necessary to the opposite sex can become a breeding ground for seduction. I have experienced times when I began harmlessly talking on the phone to a male and after time, it began to open doors to temptations that could have been avoided. We need to be aware of boundaries not only for our sakes, but for others as well. We never know how someone else might receive what we say or do, so it’s important to watch our words and actions.
Have you found yourself in a situation where you were texting or emailing a man when everything inside of you was shouting not to? If you proceeded to do it anyway, why do you think you did?
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Building boundaries is a healthy way to ensure that we don’t cross lines of sexual compromise and it safeguards us as well.
Boy, after all this heavy discussion, I need a break! I think I might just mosey on up to the ice cream store and dive into something yummy! Go have some fun and I will see you back tomorrow!
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