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It amazes me to think how often we fantasize and are not even aware we do. I often find myself having an entire conversation with someone in my mind that began as a simple thought! Fantasies begin much the same way.
Define what you would say a fantasy is:_______________________________________________________________
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When I was researching the word “fantasy” on Webster’s online dictionary, I came across this word associated with it, fantastic, which in Latin it is “phantasia” meaning “something possessing grotesque, bizarre, or unreal qualities.” A fantasy is something bizarre with unreal qualities. I find that interesting, because if you think about it, whatever it is you may be fantasizing about is in fact, unreal.
Some women really struggle when it comes to having fantasies, and some do not. Many times, our emotions try to rule our thoughts. Even when our head knowledge tells us “you should not be doing this”, our emotions try to override it. Do you ever feel like your spirit is willing to do the right thing, but your flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41)? Here are a few questions that can help you see if this has ever been a struggle for you. I think you will find it interesting how fantasies can disguise themselves. Circle your response to the following:
Do you find yourself thinking about another man when you are having sex with your husband (even if it’s a movie star!)? Y N
If you are in an unhappy relationship, do you ever fantasize what your next spouse would be like if you got a divorce or he died in a car wreck? Y N
Do you read romance novels because they arouse you mentally, emotionally or sexually? Y N
Do you watch movies with romance stories just to get a “love” fix? Y N
When you sense that another man notices you, do you think about him throughout the day? Y N
Have you ever planned your day based around an encounter with another man? For example, you plan to go to the gym at a specific time based on the time another man will be there? Y N
Have you ever had difficulty focusing on the tasks at hand because you are thinking about another man?
Y N
Do you use pornographic pictures for arousal in order to have sex with your husband? Y N
If you answered yes to any of these questions, hopefully your eyes are being opened to what fantasies “look” like. Sometimes they have such a way of disguising themselves!
Having that knowledge, can you think back to a time you may have been fantasizing about another man emotionally or physically? What do you think was the reason the fantasy began?
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The reality is that a fantasy is unreal. Most women chalk up a fantasy as being something not harmful. They assume they would never act it out in reality. This is a lie! On the other hand, Satan sometimes tempts us into believing that the fantasies we have could in fact be a reality if we pursued them.
Can you relate to any of this? Have you ever secretly wished that a fantasy would become a reality? Write about how this made you feel?
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Don’t be embarrassed if you can relate. Many people have had similar thoughts but are either too ashamed or too prideful to admit they have. There are many women who use movies, pornography, and books to stimulate themselves mentally and I can tell you that this is not a part of God’s design for a covenant relationship. Some women I have talked with shared that they enjoyed the fantasies and don’t see any harm in them. Let me be honest, it is a trap from the enemy. Think about this for a moment. Let’s take a married woman named Kim and use her as an example. Kim’s marriage has been dull for quite some time. In fact, she avoids sexual contact with her husband because she doesn’t feel attracted to him anymore. A guy named Jeff that she works with is always goofing around at work and makes Kim laugh. Jeff is not necessarily a Brad Pitt when it comes to looks but he is funny, charming, and cute. Jeff spends time talking with Kim and giving her friendly attention. He has never come on to Kim or given her any inkling that he wants her romantically. But because of the friendly attention he gives Kim, it pushes her emotional button. Remember, women tend to compromise their sexuality first through mental or emotional thoughts. She has longed for such a friendship with her hubby but that part of their relationship seemed to die years ago. Kim begins fantasizing about Jeff and wonders what it would be like to be in his arms and have such a fun guy in her life. She thinks it’s harmless to think about him because after all, it’s not like she would ever act upon those fantasies.
Do you agree or disagree? Why?_____________________________________________________________________
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Kim is flirting with danger because she is thinking about something that is not a reality.
Even though she thinks it’s harmless, Satan has her right where he wants her. For one thing, she is prideful in thinking she is not capable of falling into such a sin. The Bible teaches that we are all capable of falling into any kind of sin (See Romans 3:23).
Have you ever felt like you were not capable of falling into an affair? Why or why not?
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We are wise to assume we are capable of anything so that we remain humble. Satan can work through the open door of pride, I know from experience. I made many judgments against others in my past and made comments like, “I would never do this or that.” I opened the door to the evil one through my pride in thinking I was not capable in my flesh to do bad things. Kim is also entertaining thoughts about a man other than her husband and is not only sinning but compromising her sexuality.
The enemy will do anything he can to destroy relationships. One way might be convincing you that your relationship is boring and dull. From there he will use bait, such as another man to tempt you away. He usually always begins the battle in your mind.
It alarms me how often I hear about a marriage relationship falling apart because of sexual immorality. One thing that prompted me to write this study was because I was seeing so many women compromising their sexuality outside of marriage. I began to interview people on this topic and read other materials on the subject. I too, could relate to some of their temptations. Through research, my eyes began to be open to the attack Satan has launched against the church. I have seen that he is doing everything he can to tempt the saints in Christ’s church. He will do everything he can to kill, steal and destroy godly relationships. When interviewing fallen victims of any level of sexual sin, many of them I spoke with said it started as an attack on their thought lives. I began to wonder why it was that in this particular age and time God’s people were falling into some level of sexual sin left and right outside of their marriages. In Beth Moore’s When Godly People Do Ungodly Things she says, “Satan reads the signs of the times like The Washington Post. He knows the inauguration of Christ’s kingdom grows closer and closer, so the archdemon furiously unleashes his power to the full extent of God’s permissive will. The dragon is in a tailspin, and he is whipping everything he can in the time he has left. Because his ultimate fury is at God, nothing gives Satan greater unholy pleasure than assaulting God’s children. Hence, our present conflict.”
You see, Beth is saying that the enemy knows his time is short and he wants to do everything he can to hurt God’s people. He knows the most important thing to God is His people. He also knows that our bodies are a temple for the Holy Spirit. The closest way to attack God is by getting God’s people to commit sexual sin because sexual sin is an attack against the body. In Beth Moore’s Praying God’s Word, she says, “Satan knows that sexual sin is unique in its attack and impact on the body of the individual believer…Since the Spirit of Christ now dwells in the temple of believer’s bodies, getting a Christian engaged in sexual sin is the closest Satan can come to personally assaulting Christ.”
When it comes to our thought lives, Satan tries to corrupt our minds with tempting thoughts in hopes that we will entertain them, which manipulates feelings. So many women these days act on their feelings and not on what they know to be God’s truth, which eventually leads them to stumble. Feelings can be our worst enemy if they are not in balance! We are wise to do a check on them from time to time to see if they are out of balance.
Fantasies come in many different forms. Again, they do have a way of disguising themselves so the more we become aware of how they manifest, the more alert we can be to not entertain them. I want to shed light on a form of fantasizing that may not be the first thing you would think of when it comes to this topic. When you get dressed in the morning, or to go out at night do you choose your attire based on another man you may encounter? If so, this is a form of fantasizing. You are thinking about what to wear and what his reaction might be. You might then find yourself thinking about what he might be thinking about you when he first sees you in your outfit. Some of you may be laughing, but let's get honest with ourselves. How many times have we had conversations with people in our heads that have not even taken place? How many times have we played out a scene like this? Anytime our minds are doing these kinds of mental gymnastics, we are fantasizing.
Perhaps you are one that goes into chat rooms to live out fantasies. This is just as unhealthy and a red flag should go up if you are involved in a fantasy life on-line. Someone very dear to me got involved in this type of seduction as she began innocently going into chat rooms talking with other people. Before long, she began what she thought to be harmless flirting with other men. This led to her having emotional affairs on-line which then led her to play out that fantasy in real life. Let me tell you that this person would have never thought she was capable of such sin. She got seduced through this kind of fantasy which led her down the enemy’s plan for her destruction. I don’t think you would disagree that Satan is taking full advantage of cyberspace. In order to act out a fantasy, people used to have to call 1-900 numbers and now they can log on to the internet in their homes and have one with several people at a time!
Let’s see what God has to say about our thought lives and the fantasies we may be entertaining and what we are to do about them.
Please read 2 Corinthians 10:5. “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
What do you think it means to take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ?
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This scripture means our thought lives are to be submitted to Christ. I find the easiest way to act upon this scripture is by asking, “Would Jesus agree with me on this thought or fantasy? Would he support my thoughts or would he be more likely to redirect them?”
One thing I like to do is ask the Lord, “What are your thoughts on this matter?” In order to hear from him, I need to be in His Word, reading scripture daily. I need to know what God’s thoughts are in order to know how he feels about something. The only way to know his thoughts are to know him. How do I get to know him? Spend time with your personal Lord and Savior. God is a real person who wants a real relationship with you. He wants to talk with you about every situation in your life. He wants us to come to him not only with requests, but to have real communication just like you would with a friend. When we call a close friend on the phone we don’t start out the conversation with our requests of what we need from them. We talk to them first. We talk about life, our families, etc. God wants us to be the same way with Him. It is my belief that He wants a relationship with substance. He wants us to know Him personally.
We have had a lot of information today. Thank you for hanging in with me this far. Let’s close today and open tomorrow learning how we can redirect our thought lives when they begin to get out of control.
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