Yesterday we began talking about unhealthy comparisons. Today I want to look closer at how we do that. Have you ever noticed that sometimes we tend to compare ourselves with other women more than we compare our men with other men?! When we compare ourselves to other women we either come out on top or on the bottom. Both of these leave us feeling prideful and can damage our self-esteems.

When we compare our husbands to other men, we set ourselves up for sexual compromise. It sets you up to fantasize about him as well. God sees this as sin. Remember, when another thought about a man pops in your head that is not sin until you choose to entertain those thoughts.

The following are some examples of women that make unhealthy comparisons:

Stacey says, “I tend to compare my husband to other men when it comes to how much he helps out. I usually look to see how my friend’s husbands help her around the house and wish my husband would do more. I wind up feeling bitter towards my husband and wonder why God couldn’t have given me a more helpful man.”

Amy finds herself saying in her mind, “Why can’t my husband be more like so-and-so?”

Jackie finds herself thinking things like this. “If only I could look like Jennifer. I would be so much happier if I had her looks and her charm. Maybe more men would notice me if I looked like her. She is so lucky to have all that attention from other men.”

In the example from Jackie, why do you think she is jealous that her friend has attention from other men?

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Do you ever find yourself longing for that kind of attention from other men (even if it’s just visual attention from another man)? If so, what kinds of emotions arise?

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I have often thought about why it is that many women long to be noticed or desired by a man that is not their husband. Even before marriage this is a huge issue. They long for his attention and affection. They have a longing to be pursued. It’s not necessarily a lust issue, but a heart issue. There is usually some kind of emptiness or past wound that has left a hole in their hearts. It may have developed from a lack of attention from their father figures. In this case, it leaves them vulnerable to seek attention from other men.

I believe our hearts were designed to pursue our Maker and He is to fill those inmost places. Most women don’t realize that they are seeking after a false idol, trying to get a need met through a man that only Jesus Christ can fill. That is why I said it’s a “heart” issue. Our hearts are deceitful and can’t be trusted. What we are all really seeking is unfailing love (See Proverbs 19:22).

In Shannon Ethridge’s book Every Woman’s Battle she says, “I believe that many women who struggle with sexual and/or emotional integrity are still little girls trapped in a grown woman’s body, desperately seeking a father figure to give them the love they craved as a child. This pursuit of ‘love’ takes the form of searching for intimacy and closeness, and unfortunately the world we live in teaches that this intimacy and closeness can be found only though sexual relationships.”

The world teaches you to numb your pain by using alcohol, drugs and sex. Most of the world is unaware that it’s God’s love that they need to fill the emptiness. Because they lack this truth, the best way they know to fill the void is to fill it in unhealthy ways. When it comes to women, I believe the popular drug of choice is men. Just like the old saying “looking for love in all the wrong places”, we spend years looking for love in places that we will never be satisfied until we come into a personal relationship with Christ.