The reason we spent our first week understanding the progression of sin was to help us see that in the battle for sexual integrity, we must understand the very nature of sin and where it begins. Having that knowledge helps us to recognize sin in its first stages. Having an awareness of the spiritual battle will help us begin to recognize when we are facing seduction. We will look at the spiritual battle in a later lesson. For now, we will begin to look at how making mental comparisons is a sin in our thought lives. It opens the door to for us to compromise our God-given sexuality. Our sexuality is more than just our desire for sex. It is a part of our thoughts and emotions, as well as our spirituality.

Where a man compromises his sexuality through the lust of his eyes and physical contact, a woman tends to make the compromise mentally and emotionally long before she compromises it physically through a sexual relationship. If we tend to compromise it first mentally and emotionally, more than likely most of the compromise begins in our thought lives. Generally, women act on what they believe. It has been my experience that if the enemy can tempt us to stumble in our thought lives, we are more likely to stumble in our physical lives. If we tend to act on what we believe and our belief systems are out of line with the will of God, we will generally act outside of the will of God.

I would like to get honest with you for a moment. We are living in a time where if we don’t get real with one another about sexual temptations, the enemy is going to continue to wreak havoc on our lives and continue to pour shame into the area where our sexuality is concerned.

God designed sex to be shared within the boundaries of the marriage covenant. Through sexual union, there is a joining of spirit, soul and body that was intended to be shared only between husband and wife. I like to think of our sexuality as being made up of not only physical aspects, but emotional and spiritual as well.

The temptation to compromise our sexuality has never been higher. You don’t have to look very far to see how sexuality has been exploited. Many women think that adultery can only occur when you have physically been unfaithful. I am here to tell you this is false. Mental and emotional adultery are just as sinful.

Has there ever been a time when you thought that a mental or emotional affair was not the same as having a physical affair? ________

Why did you think that was true?_____________________________________________________________________

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My hope is that through studying God’s Word you will see that any type of affair, whether mental, emotional or physical, is all adultery in God’s eyes. They all compromise our God-given sexuality. I believe the earthly ramifications can certainly be worse in a physical relationship; however, God sees all sin the same.

Can you come into agreement with God regarding sin and the heart of sin?

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I believe that God intended our sexual life to be with one partner for life, our husbands. When we flirt with lusts of the flesh, whether mentally, emotionally or physically, we are falling into sexual sin, thus compromising who we are in Christ. Any compromise whether physically, mentally or emotionally can affect a woman’s sexual wholeness. If one area is compromised, you potentially risk infecting all other areas of your sexuality.

How do you think by compromising one area of your sexuality, you can infect your entire sexuality?

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Let me give an example. A part of your being is made up of your soul. The soul is thought to be comprised of your mind, your will and your emotions. If you fall into an emotional affair with another man, you give a part of yourself to him by sharing your heart, dreams and feelings. You have just shared a portion of your soul (your mind, will and emotions) with him that was only meant to be given to your husband. You have just formed a soul tie with someone outside of marriage (we are going to talk about soul ties in a later session). A part of you has been chipped away. Because you have become emotionally vulnerable with another man, it will be harder to resist the temptation to not fall deeper into sin with him. That is just the nature of sin. It’s hard to stop it once you start. This affects your sexuality because it is not whole when a part of it is given away to someone other than your marriage partner. A part of it is missing. You are now at a higher risk to fall into physical sexual sin.

There are many ways you can put yourself at risk for sexual compromise, but I’m going to narrow them down to two for this portion of our study: Making unhealthy comparisons and fantasizing. We will look at these over the next several lessons.

I believe one way we compromise our sexuality is through making unhealthy comparisons. We do this by comparing our husbands, or significant others to other men that we know. Whether these other men are single or married, comparing your man to another can be dangerous. Most of the time, these comparisons are just thoughts in your mind that nobody around you even knows.

There are times we compromise our sexuality when we compare ourselves to other women. We either set ourselves up for failure because we come out below the measuring stick (feeding a low self-esteem) or we come out prideful because we think we “look” better than another. Each one of these is wrong and compromises who God says we are to be. We don’t want to be women with low self-esteems nor do we want to be women full of pride. Perhaps you are not aware that you may have been making these types of comparisons in your mind, or maybe you just never thought them harmful. Take a moment to answer the following questions by circling Y or N:

Do you ever compare the man in your life with another man that you know whether it’s physically, mentally, or emotionally?    Y     N

Do you find yourself making comments in your mind about your husband like, “why can’t he be as helpful as Kelly’s husband John? John is always so helpful and sweet. I wish my husband wasn’t so lazy” or “I feel like I am kind to my husband. He is so rude to me at times. I resent him so much. Maybe he was not the right guy for me. I wish I had married someone who respects me.”    Y     N

Do you ever compare you marriage to someone else’s marriage?    Y     N

Do you ever find yourself wishing your husband treated you like your friend’s husband treats you or like the man at work treats you?    Y     N

Do you find yourself making physical comparisons of your husband to other men when you are at the gym or anywhere else?    Y     N

When another friend’s husband spends time listening and talking with you when you are all together, do you find yourself wishing your man spent that much time listening and talking with you?    Y     N

When your friend’s husband or a man at work spends time listening and talking to you, do you find yourself thinking about the conversation later and having feelings of fulfillment? Do you find yourself looking forward to having more conversations with him?    Y     N

If so you may be putting yourself in danger; whether you realize it or not. Just as it is harmful for a man to have lustful thoughts about a woman in his mind, it is just as harmful for a woman to make emotional or physical comparisons in her mind.

Do these sound familiar? Can you see the danger? Journal your thoughts.

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Making comparisons is a slippery sin. It sets you up for disappointment. It invites you to entertain and focus on the negative qualities in your husband instead of positive. It also involves making judgments. Let’s take a look to see what God says about passing judgments against another.

Romans 7:1 says “Do not judge or you to will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the same measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

How would you feel if the role was reversed and your significant other was comparing you to another woman and placing judgments on you?

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Well, that is exactly what can happen to you if you place judgment on him. The Bible teaches that we reap what we sow. If you sow judgments, you will reap a harvest of judgments against yourself. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be measured by the same measuring stick I have used on others in the past. That just encourages me to stop those kinds of thoughts immediately. Tomorrow we will look at other ways we make unhealthy comparisons that lead to sexual compromise.